Okay, I admit it, I’m not perfect. Whew, it’s out!

After training over 50,000 parents, teachers and mental health professionals over the past 25 years, I have said a lot of things. Some of the things I have said have been taken out of context and misused to allude to the opposite of what my life’s work has been about. Every one of my seminars and one-on-one consultations has been focused on healing the heart of a troubled child. I specialize in bonding and attachment. I focus on bringing structure, love and laughter – all the necessary ingredients when disturbed children must be reached. Any parent, teacher or mental health professional working with a child who is severely emotionally disturbed understands what I am talking about.

I have received tens of thousands of thank you cards, emails and phone calls over these many years, not only from parents, teachers and mental health professionals but also from the children appreciating the changes in their lives from what I teach. The focus is on learning to love. That can’t happen in an environment of harshness, cruelty or fear. I don’t teach those things.

I teach old-fashioned respect because I have found that a child needs to respect an adult before they can respect themselves. They need to trust before they can love. I have also found that respecting others builds self-respect, which is sorely lacking in our young people who abuse drugs, alcohol, peers, their parents and even their own bodies.

My parenting techniques have been condemned by an outspoken few for being “controlling”. I believe children need leadership in order to develop good self control, just as an infant needs to be kept safe and kept in close for their protection until they develop more self control to be able to not tumble down stairs, fall off chairs, etc.

Our emotionally disturbed children need more “control” due to their special needs. It is very important that we are real clear that I work with and teach about emotionally disturbed children, not normal healthy emotionally stable, securely attached children. These children have special needs and when their special needs are met, we can make a powerful difference in their lives. They can develop the ability to control themselves as we slowly relax the limits and boundaries we have had to provide as parents, teachers and responsible adults caring for them.

Is insisting on holding the hand of a small child near traffic over-controlling? What if it’s a 12 year old with the same problem? What if they are 14? Is eliminating the Internet from a five year old who doesn’t understand pornography and how to avoid it too controlling or wise parenting? What if it’s a 12 year old who doesn’t have the cause and effect area of their brain developed in order to make healthy choices? (Or even learn from poor ones!) I believe as parents we are responsible to keep our children safe as they develop their brains so that they can begin to make choices and learn from the consequences of their actions when that area of their brain is capable of learning. We have found it is successful to start with tight structure and as soon as possible we reduce the amount of structure to provide learning opportunities the child is prepared for and to develop life skills. That tight structure must be balanced with powerful nurturing or the home atmosphere can become somewhat militaristic. That would not be wise. A child needs to be raised in a loving environment, not a cold place with a parent snapping orders.

How about “coercion”? ! There’s an ugly word that can make something look different than it really is! This is another term critics try to connect with my work. If insisting that children brush their teeth and go to bed is coercion. I am all for it! If a teacher making a student sit at his or her desk and work quietly is coercion I am for that too!

The numerous books and articles that I have written and the hundreds of lectures I have given gave ample opportunity for negative, critical people to find fodder for their gossip. According to Dr. Foster Cline, “Those who wander through life negative and complaining and critical are always more vocal, it seems, than the satisfied folks. Thus, there are plenty of complaint departments but no satisfaction departments.”

My critics attempt to connect me with people who have harmed children. My work is not about harming, killing or caging children. It is about helping them to heal. I have not met, or taught any of the families connected to those tragic cases.

Those same critics critique me for different kinds of therapies. I am not a therapist. I teach parenting and classroom interventions. On evaluations at seminars and teacher trainings, the ratings of the training have been consistently “outstanding”. When participants are asked how the training can be improved the reply is quite frequently “We loved it and we want more.”

I love the children. I love the amazing, awesome Mom’s and Dad’s who love these challenging children. My heart is filled with admiration for the outstanding educators that go to the front of the class to help these traumatized youth. I will proudly stand beside any mental health professional who has gone out of their way to develop advanced skills to help these severely emotionally disturbed little ones. I choose to soar with these eagles making a difference in the lives of children rather than peck in the dirt with the critics.

I sincerely hope any of you with questions and concerns will let me know what your concerns are.